Yes

by Paola Fanutti

Created on: July 29, 2008   Last Updated: August 04, 2008

If opting out of parenthood prior to pregnancy means exercising a voluntary choice about whether or not to enter into circumstances that could lead to parenthood, men clearly have that option, through abstinence or sterilization.

If opting out of parenthood while a woman is pregnant means whether or not a man can decide whether or not he wants to be a father, he is biologically incapacitated from making such a choice over the woman's unquestionable autonomy over her own body. He cannot carry a baby, hence he cannot opt of out of impending parenthood through abortion.

If opting out of parenthood after a woman gives birth means that a man can consciously, morally and emotionally abandon the life he brought to the world, many men already DO illegally opt out by simply walking away from the child, and are regarded as abhorrent and irresponsible by society at large.

But for the sake of fairness, men should be legally able to opt of parenthood, under expressed, pre-existing conditions. Men can already legally opt out of the responsibilities of parenthood after a woman has given birth to his biological child under the following conditions:

*by lending donor sperm solely for the purposes of contributing biological material
*by placing the child up for legal adoption

But the more common, social scenario where some fathers would like to actively opt out of their responsibilities of fatherhood goes something like this:

*A man and a woman have a sexual relationship and she becomes pregnant. The man insists on an abortion and she refuses. He does not believe that he should be emotionally and financially responsible for maintaining a child he did not want. He would like to opt out of his responsibilities of fatherhood.*

Every man should be liable for his offspring, even if is unplanned, and should not be able to opt out of fatherhood merely because a woman became pregnant unintentionally.

But yet, there are a growing number of interesting claims on the part of some men who feel manipulated and tricked into fatherhood. Men who wish to prove that they have been involved with sperm-stealing women who manipulated them solely for the purposes of extracting their biological material (and later child support) should have some type of legal recourse to substantiate their claim. They should be allowed to opt out of continuing fraudulent relationships with these women and the children who were cunningly conceived.

The solution to this situation is a consensual agreement between both parties that agrees to absolve the father from his responsibilities if the woman becomes pregnant. It must be totally voluntary, signed and witnessed before engaging in sexual relations.

Without intending to sound overly legalistic and contractual, a man SHOULD be able to opt out of parenthood, by expressly signing a waiver with the woman he is involved with. While pregnant, a woman can opt out of parenthood simply by choosing to abort. If the man is truly adamant about NOT wanting to be a father prior to having relations with her, his only recourse is to communicate this clearly to his partner, and have her legally acknowledge this circumstance of the sexual relationship.

It is then up the woman to accept or refuse the man's terms of non-responsibility, in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. If she chooses to accept the man's terms, he has opted out of responsibility; if she declines and the man proceeds to have relations with her, he is completely liable if she becomes pregnant.

A consensual declaration by both parties waiving the father's liability to parenthood can be legally witnessed by a health practitioner and can hold up in family court, as proof that the man was openly adamant about not wishing to support a child prior to pregnancy, and as legal recourse for a man deceived into fatherhood. He is absolved of his parental responsibilities, and has opted out of parenthood after the child is born, through the expressed agreement of the mother.

The prospect of a signed contract between two parties sounds ridiculous at first, but consider the following advantages:

*It forces partners to talk about the consequences of a sexual relationship maturely and rationally. Too often, the discussion of how to handle an unplanned pregnancy takes place AFTER the woman has conceived, far too late for the man to opt out of parenthood.

*It helps women and men understand the ethics and morals of their partners. A woman who knows that her partner intends to walk away if a child were to be conceived might think twice about staying with that partner. A man who is involved with a woman who is categorically opposed to abortion may be uneasy about having relations with her.

*It allows men some recourse to family courts to exercise their parental rights and gives them more equitable roles in parenthood. It also discourages women from taking advantage of men by tricking them into believing that they are taking regular birth control, if they are not. Instead of powerlessly leaving the parental futures of men solely up to the decisions of a pregnant woman, it allows men negotiating power in their future roles as parents.

Signing a waiver allows a man a feasible, legal avenue to opt out of his parental responsibilities. It must be willingly consented to by his partner, legally witnessed, and he himself must initiate it.

However, in the ABSENCE of a pre-prepared waiver, EVERY man is completely responsible for supporting his partner's pregnancy, planned, unplanned, or manipulated.

In fact, implementing the parental waiver idea and allowing fathers to opt out of parenthood allows the courts to better crack down on deadbeat dads, since they will have NO excuse for abandoning their parental duties, given the fact that they were allowed to opt out of parenthood in the first place, and yet chose not to do so.

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