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Add to Favorites"Mommy," asked my precious seven year old son as I was putting my pajamas on and getting ready for bed. "Why aren't you wearing your breasts?" After I picked myself off the floor laughing (realizing that he was asking why I wasn't wearing my bra with my pajamas), and explained to him that mommy really doesn't need a bra when she sleeps, I came to a realization that my son was growing up. He was becoming more aware of the differences between the male and female bodies and was asking questions about those differences.
While I always thought that I would be embarrassed and uncomfortable answering his very blunt enquiries (such as why do mommies and daddies have fur "down there") I discovered that I welcomed the questions. The more I explained to him now, the less he would have to go look for answers elsewhere. If all parents took the same approach and were open with their young children about the human body, they too would see that there is nothing wrong with a co-ed sleepover, especially for children ages ten and younger.
As adults, we are very much aware of the sexuality that surrounds us. We are jaded by all that we've seen and experienced. This is why we sometimes tend to forget that kids are still innocent. At age five, six, or seven, playing doctor really is playing doctor. At that age tackling a friend of the opposite sex and tickling them is nothing more than innocent child's play.
Another reason it is perfectly alright to have a co-ed sleepover for your young kids is that presumably you know who your children's friends are. At that age you still take your kids to their friends' houses, and probably know the mom pretty well. These friends spending the night are not just random kids that your child brought home from school (and if they are, something is very wrong.)
Children are naturally curious. If you sit down with them and give age-appropriate explanations and answers to their questions about the body and sexuality they will be less likely to experiment later. If you say "no" to a co-ed sleepover, accompanied with a horrified expression, your children will get the idea that there is something wrong with the opposite sex. And if there IS something wrong, they would want to find out what it is. This is what will lead to them sneaking around later.
We need to remember that at age ten or younger, kids are still kids, and just want to have innocent fun. Besides, I cannot imagine a situation in which I let a bunch of little kids (regardless of their gender) spend the night at my house and I don't supervise them constantly. At that age they are likely to fall asleep well before midnight, and there would be nothing to worry about until the next morning, when I have to figure out what to make everyone for breakfast.
Learn more about this author, Yonit Schoolman.
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No
Somehow, in my mind, there couldn't possibly be any other answer but a 'NO', an unequivocal 'NO'.
I have two boys, nine and five, and they have a lot of friends that are girls. As much as I appreciate their friendship and encourage it by having play dates, a sleepover is a definite 'NO-NO'.
Children are inherently curious and experimental at any age. It is a trait that helps them learn; an attribute that is conducive to expanding their horizons and be successful in life. But this curiosity is not restricted to just things that parents consider favorable. A sleepover with a friend of the opposite gender really pushes the limits for all temptations. It offers the child an enticing opportunity to experiment with things that are otherwise deemed inappropriate at that age. The sleepover could be entirely innocent, but there is always the possibility of something improper happening.
One might argue that adult supervision could deter inappropriate situations. But, honestly, if your child were having a sleepover, it would not be right to hover around constantly, monitoring their activities. A sleepover is meant to be a fun experience for the child, and if a parent is always around watching everything the children do, the whole 'charm' of the sleepover is lost for the child. It would also express a lack of trust which would be unhealthy for the child's self-esteem. So the watchful eyes of adults are limited to an extent.
A coed sleepover also runs the risk of possibly eclipsing some beautiful future experiences of life for the child. Children hear a lot of talk about everything from their peers, at school and at play. Some of it might be accurate, and then some of it is completely distorted and far from the truth. Also, despite restricting the matter that children are exposed to, they are inadvertently bombarded with images and information that is unsuitable, and on occasions, inaccurate. A coed sleepover presents the child with an opportunity to experiment and, in his or her mind, validate this information.
If it is an unpleasant experience, and it probably would be in this context of age, the child could be disillusioned and the experience stay etched in his or her mind as something to stay away from in life. On the other hand, a child who has a seemingly good experience would want to experiment even more leading to inappropriate situations that could be physically, mentally and morally detrimental.
All my thoughts are based on the simple belief that there is a time and place for everything in life. When things happen at appropriate moments, our lives are enriched and it brings happiness.
It is wonderful when children interact socially and play with others of the opposite gender. It gives them a better understanding and encourages comfort in dealing with the opposite sex, which is inevitable and integral to life.
It is also encouraging to children when they are allowed to make their own decisions.It builds self confidence which is vital to lead a happy life.
However it would be unfair to put them in situations that require discernment and wisdom beyond their years. In my opinion, children under 10 or even in their teen years are likely to be emotionally immature and therefore don't always make wise decisions.
Why would any parent want to put their child in a situation like that?
Learn more about this author, Priya Kamath.
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