No

by Jonathan Warfield

Created on: December 24, 2010   Last Updated: December 28, 2010

This article is a take on a little bit of both sides of this issue. I do believe that being your teen’s best friend is not conducive to their discipline. How could it be when discipline is involved? Best friends don’t rat out each other nor intentionally inflict pain upon each other, do they? I also have to ask; is a parent being a teen’s best friend conducive to anything positive, other than self need or parental guilt?

Before you run off in a huff, let’s think about this for a moment. Let us pretend that it is a mid summer’s afternoon, you are 13 years old, you and Mike Verony, (14 years old and second on the best friend’s list) have encountered 2 young females of similar age. They are hanging out at the local soda shop, seemingly by themselves. Now, let me ask you, Mom, Dad; do you really think that your young, hormonal filled, teenage mini-me wants mommy or daddy present at this chance encountering? There is courting to be done here, mom. A taboo area for parental units in most teen’s eyes, best friends or not.

THIS, is what best friends do……….they bond in the newness of “in the minute life”.

Street Smart Abilities

Quite often, I believe that junior needs his space to strut his stuff and learn some ways of the street, don’t you think? I mean, what are you thinking of trying to be your teen’s best friend? There is no way junior can freely experiment with emotional detection and experimentation while receiving daddy’s advice on how to “sweet talk girls in the twenty-first century”. There is going to be resistance here and rightfully so. You are a parent, and that means that you are a leader and a teacher, not a participant.

Perhaps I am wrong, but it just seems to me, if you try to be your child’s best friend, are you not robbing them of the experiences of that “special peer based companionship” that only teenagers can have with each other? We all remember that one “true friend” that we all had. You know the one that I am talking about, that one friend that stuck with us through thick and thin. He was the one loyal and trusted comrade that was always at our side, ready to do battle at a moments notice. Can you remember the feeling of you and your pal experiencing the many new things in life, for the very first time, together? These are moments that cannot be shared with a parent. These are childhood secrets, only shared between two young adventurers.

Mentor and Leader

Plain and simple, a parent has already experienced much of what their children have yet to experience in life. There is no denying that the “wonder of it all” is not present in parents, as it is in a teenager. Therefore, the excitement cannot be shared with the child on a mutual basis.

Perhaps, “best friends” are best left for that special chance meeting between two young people, that connection during the first day of school, or the meeting of the new child of the same age that just moved in next door.  It would be wrong for an adult to steal away those precious, “best friend” moments, shared only between two peers. Indeed, it would be a tragedy to do such a thing. You will do the most good and gain the greatest respect from your children by teaching and guiding them in the ways of the world, not by participating with them in these things. And this fact alone negates this debate, making both sides moot.

Teen Discipline

But, we do have some additional time left on the clock, so please; let us discuss the issue of a teen’s discipline, in general. This probably won’t apply to those that already have teens, but for those with little children, by all means, be a friend to your child, when needed and within reason. But so much more important, strive to be a mentor and a leader to this child. Raise them to respect your wishes, as opposed to defying your wishes. You, as a parent, are a mentor, a protector, and a doctor; not a judge and jury, while claiming yourself “best companion”. Leave that “best friend status” for someone of the same heart and mind, someone with the same wonders yet to be experienced, someone which that perhaps together, they can work out all of the details of this complicated world, through a child’s eyes and wonder.

Mentor and Teacher

I believe that a parent is a mentor and teacher, a leader that must teach the children how to “build friendships” and relationships. Something that is very important in life. Secluding your children from having adventures with peers because of all of the time that a best friend takes in a teen’s fast paced life, you are robbing them of life experiences that can only be learned while in the field, being experienced for the first time. Sadly, far too often I see parents of an over protective nature that never allow their child to fall, resulting in the lesson that “it hurts to fall” never to be learned until the fall is great. You must guide your children with love, respect, honor, and common sense; not with rules and regulations while covered in a bubble. Remember, they are people, though very small, but it is true. These little people must be treated as individuals, left free to explore the many wonders of this world. Yet, they must learn while being mentored and guided under a protective, loving eye of a parent.

Nature Takes Its Course

There is much than can be leaned from watching a chic stretching its wings. Learning to fly is an instinct; we must allow that to happen in our children. Humans are a specious of curiosity, with a drive for knowledge. And some knowledge, well, some knowledge is not written in books, but by the freedom to experience life with some of its many trials and tribulations.

Enjoy your children while you can, while mentoring, without invading, too much. They will love, honor, and respect you for the rest of their lives for your role as a wise, guiding, positive teaching parent.

Have a wonderful evening.

Learn more about this author, Jonathan Warfield.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.