Can you trust the honesty of online dating site participants?

No

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by Kelly Greenbaum

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Can you trust the honesty of online dating site participants?

On-line dating and honesty? Talk about a paradox! I speak from personal experience. I was separated and divorcing my second husband when a friend suggested I sign up to these on-line dating sites as it is a great way to meet people. I tried them all, Match, Mate, eHarmony, you name it I was on it and I dated up a storm. Although I was honest in my profile, not to sound conceited, but I am an entertainer, work out twelve hours a week, and have been told by many I am very attractive. None, and I mean none of the men I met were who or what they appeared to be.

Date number one from Match.com: Very handsome man, world traveler, age 45. The date started out pretty good as he was attractive and drove up to the meeting place in a Escalade . We went to a club I had recently performed a few tunes at and I introduced him to a few of my fellow performing co-workers. This was a very upscale place and so far so good right? Once the clock struck midnight he started ordering doubles. He got up and went to the mens room after his fifth double vodka and tonic. He preceded back to my table where I was conversing with a co-worker/friend. When he approached the table I could tell by the look in his eyes I was in trouble. He sat down insulting my friend with an evil look that scared my friend away quickly. He then began telling me what a self-centered bitch I was and all I ever did was talk about myself. It gets worse. The ranting lasted a good half hour. Had I not been a newbie to this whole on-line thing I never would have gotten back into his vehicle with him, but by now I am really beginning to think he might be rig ht. However, I did all of the talking because he had no communication skills and would answer all of my questions with one syllable answers. When we got back to his hotel he apologized to me and wanted to have sex. He turned out to be 50 and a horrible drunk, gambler and ladies man. He even had an add on-line to buy a Russian bride. How do I know this you might ask? I waited for him to pass out, which wasn't long, and went through his phone and then laptop. Did I mention I used to own a private investigative business at the time? Am I bad?

Date #2 Mate.com: I had been conversing with a handsome chemist who had his own biochemical company and lived and worked with the Israeli government. He had recently moved his business from Chicago. He flew 5000 miles to meet me at Christmas time. He stayed at a local hotel. We had been web camming, nothing dirty, and talking for about three months so he looked how he looked and I had done my homework with background checks and had his companies name and number. Shalom right! He was a vegetarian while visiting because he refused to eat anything non kosher from my hometown which was predominantly Deutsch. I picked him up at the airport and I noticed he was reeking and I mean reeking of cologne and he was extremely intoxicated. Had he not flown 5000 miles to meet me I would have fled at this point. I brought him to his hotel where he expected me to immediately have sex with him. I suggested dinner. Dinner was the beginning of our problems. He began to spout about how Israel was so much better then America and then basically trashed our food, our people and our way of life. He stayed four days alone in his hotel room although I was nice enough to drive him back to the airport.

Date #3 eHarmony: I was very leery by this time but figured it was bad luck. I am no quitter! This guy was again, succesful, attractive, etc. He only lived about an hour and a half north of me. I was vacationing with a girlfriend and we both had are youngest children with us at a resort town close to wear he lived. I agreed to meet him in public with my girlfriend. He was handsome, well dressed and sober so I felt pretty good about him. We invited him to the resort we were staying at and we conversed for hours and arranged a date the following evening. Dinner was nice and then we went for a boat ride along lake Michigan, It was very romantic. The lighthouse was beautiful and the music just enhanced the evening. We went back to our resort and began conversing in our personal kitchen. There were glass doors leading to a deck and our pool. The doors were open to the outside patio. I will explain why I brought this up later. My girlfriend, the date, myself and our two children, who are in their pre-teens were all having a great conversation sitting around our table when all of a sudden a gorgeous brunette with pigtails, who appeared to be in her thirties, entered our kitchen through the patio which was ours exclusively. She sat down at the table, crossed her arms and didn't say a word. We all just looked at one another. When we asked her if she was lost she began screaming at the top of her lungs accusing me of sleeping with her man and notified us she had been on his computer and new about everything? Keep in mind our two children are here and my son is autistic. I told her in a very calm manner at first to leave. I called the front desk but the owners had left for the night and there was no security. She would not stop screaming and we had the children go to their rooms while my friend attempted to try to calm her down. The date then told me how this woman had been stalking him. The date also stated she had something on him and was blackmailing him by saying she would tell his parents. He also stated she was a mental case. Now I'm really getting angry. He did nothing to try to calm her down and I couldn't believe he put our children at risk. This is when I told pigtail beauty she was leaving one way or another and I called the police. She then physically assaulted me. Her being half my size and with my Private Investigative training, I threw her out of the resort physically and had her in a headlock when the police arrived. The date was upset about my treatment of her but did nothing to help the situation. The police showed up, arrested her, and he went to the police station to bail her out.

I could go on but I think I've made my point. I probably dated at least 20 men overall but most of them just once. I found that there is a reason these attractive successful men were on-line. They all had serious communication problems and lots of secrets. I ended up realizing my husband, who is a doctor and very controlling, was a prize. I also learned the grass is not greener on the other side. My husband never cheated, never drank,never cursed at me, brought me breakfast in bed every day and I had a maid. I figured controlling wasn't so bad and something we could go to counseling for. We have since repeated our vows on a cruise ship in the Virgin Islands, are in current therapy, and have never been happier. The only good thing about on-line dating was that it truly saved my marriage.

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