No

by Carmel Brulez

Created on: October 11, 2009

Online dating sites are a fantastic opportunity to chat to and maybe meet up with potential friends or lovers. They are especially popular, or even necessary, for those who are stuck at home or in their office a lot of the time and find it hard to go out and meet people in other ways. If people are housebound, disabled, looking after children or do not have a car it is a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone first before bothering to step outside your own front door to meet them face to face. But, can you trust the people you chat to on them?

People are people. There are caring ones, honest ones, liars, users, con artists, thieves, rapists everywhere. You cannot trust that whoever you chat to on an online dating site is honest simply because they insist they are. But the same applies to meeting people anywhere. You could meet someone in a club and they may well seem to be sweet, considerate, shy and genuinely an all round good guy, but that does not mean that they are what they claim to be. Really, the only advantage to meeting them face to face somewhere is that you get a good idea immediately of their age and what they actually look like in the flesh. Everything else they tell you about them might be fabricated or they may leave out vital details.

Let us say you meet this gorgeous potential lover in a club and they claim to be 30 years old and tell you they are looking. Great. You can see they are not lying about their age, you see they are attractive, there is a chemistry there. But maybe they left out that they are married or seeing someone. Or that they are only in town for a few days and just hoping for a one night stand before they go back to where they live. Now if they had been honest about that that would be a different story would it not?

At least when you chat to someone through an online dating agency you can ask them their location, job and many other things which you consider to be important and they know they have to give believable answers before there is any chance of meeting at all. They also will not bother to go through such a process where they have to chat to you on a regular basis before there is a meet, just to try to get a one night stand. It simply is not worth all of the time and effort involved.

The person you chat to on the computer might send you a photo which is 20 years old and makes them look 20 years younger. They might send you a photo of a model instead of the one that shows they are cross eyed and bow legged. But with all of the other facts such as their marital status, location, job etc. they are just as able to lie about this or manipulate the facts face to face.

Online dating agencies give you the opportunity to get to know people who live further away yet not too far to consider. People who would not be hanging out in your local clubs on a regular basis, but who might be willing to come and meet you if they got to know you on the net first.

Having tried various dating agencies I know for a fact a lot of the men I have chatted to have lied to me about their marital status. I have also had women trying to chat me up insisting they are straight and only after friendship and then admitting they are bisexual or gay! But if you use common sense it is easy to spot these people at the start. They are usually the ones who insist they cannot give you their address or phone number and give you excuses as to why this is. They are also the ones who are free during the day but rarely evenings or weekends. The point is you could meet the same person in a shop, library, church, school or club. Wherever you meet such a person he will be dishonest about his situation. The online dating site is not to blame.

By chatting to lots of people in the site and not putting all of your eggs in one basket, you will find a few that you gel with and like. But do not rush into meeting them. If they are trying to push you into a quick meet leave it, they are just after sex or have something to hide. The ones who are happy to chat to you regularly until you feel right about meeting are the potential partners worth investing time in. By chatting to them regularly you get to really know them so that if and when you meet face to face you do not feel like you are meeting a stranger and do not have to ask them lots of questions.

The online dating site is a great way to meet friends or lovers provided you take it slowly and surely and make sure you know a lot about them, and check it out, before that first meet.

Learn more about this author, Carmel Brulez.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.