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| Help | 81% | 978 votes | Total: 1212 votes | |
| Hurt | 19% | 234 votes |
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Add to FavoritesWhether we like to admit it or not, life is a competition. We are all striving to get better at something. In some cases it's material, such as a new house or car, and in other cases it's something less tangible like a better job or education. While it's certainly not good to have an unhealthy sense of competition - those individuals usually end up sore losers or always competing over something inane - a good, healthy sense of competition is a fine thing.
When people hear the word "competition" they often think of sports matches or some kind of battle. But competition goes way beyond that. For example, the two smartest kids in a high school class are competing for valedictorian. Most parents would love to have their child intensely competing to be valedictorian. That child would probably be well-served to have a healthy sense of competition. They would likely push themselves a little harder to achieve their goal.
Of course, every parent should be equally careful not to let that competition become too intense. If a child doesn't seem to be having any fun or enjoying themselves, they could be heading down a slippery slope that leads to problems later in life. A good balance between a competitive spirit and desire to have fun is ideal.
When "competing" with your child when they are young, should you play your hardest or let them win? Many parents ask themselves this. While I'm no child psychologist, I'd say it is a combination of both.
No parent should absolutely destroy their child in a friendly competition. This will breed resentment and frustration. The child will no longer want to participate in the activity. But constantly letting a child win could also foster a false sense of what constitutes a quality, victory-worthy performance. If you let a child win a challenge when they put forth only a minimal amount of effort, they are going to learn that a minimal amount of effort results in a victory.
In my estimation, the best approach is to keep the competition close and give the child an opportunity to win at the end. If they don't seize the opportunity, it's okay to beat them. The only way to learn not to be a sore loser is to experience the feeling of losing. Winning doesn't exist without losing. So make the child earn a victory. If the child gets upset at losing, use that as an opportunity to explain how to be a good sport.
When it comes to group competitions like youth soccer, football, etc., you should never push your child to be overly competitive. Yelling at them from the sidelines not only hurts them, but it embarrasses you as a parent. By the same token, "not keeping score" or declaring everyone a winner regardless of the final score is a bit soft. Instead, give positive feedback even in defeat. Tell the child what they did right and encourage him or her to do more of that next time. If giving criticism, do so carefully. If the child begins to resent your feedback, you'll lose the ability to teach him anything.
Competition can be a healthy thing, but only if it's taught well by the parents. Try to teach your child the desire to win, but also to gracefully accept defeat. If you can instill these qualities, your child will be just fine.
Learn more about this author, Sean Curtis.
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Hurt
When the question comes about asking if I would support a competition; I find myself not wanting to support it. I have to truly determine what the competition is for. If it is to raise money for someone or something, then I will support it as a fundraiser, but not as a competition. I see not one thing positive coming from a competition. If someone could prove that something good has come from one, I would consider the thought of changing my mind.
The reason that I am so against competitions has to do with the fact that every competition someone is going to have to leave as the loser. As far as I am concerned anyone who took time to compete in anything is definitely by no means a loser. Please explain how making someone feels as though they are a loser is worth supporting competitions. After losing in a competition the individual will have low self-esteem causing a negative in the next competition to come forth.
From the other side of the conversation, let us talk about the winner of a competition. When the individual becomes a winner will turn and walk away believing in the individual's heart that they are the winner because they are the best. It is nice to win but yet some competitions cause the individual to become full of pride. Once the individual wins, it is easier each time to win over and over.
I used to believe that competitions support improvement. We would do math competitions in school with flash cards. Every time we would try to get better and better, faster and faster. Then I started to notice the one whom was winning in the flash cards began to feel some self-worth, making it possible to become the next winner. The individual has gain confidence that others lacked.
As I became a parent, I met each one of these issues. I had a daughter that everything she tried out for she would win. Everyone began to love Jayme, she was full of self-confidence. She started gather a little too much pride. It was not shown to most people but inside our family home some damage would one day take place.
My next child was my son, He would try out for many things and my daughter would always tell him, there is no need to try out because he did not have what it took to win. My son would turn and walk away; I could see the pain within his heart. I would tell him if he wanted to try out then he should do just that. I spoke to my daughter and told her it was wrong because she should encourage her brother. She would tell me that she was only speaking the truth and I should not wish for her to lie. She just could not see if she gave her brother a little encouragement, he might have won because of his self=esteem.
Shortly after my son decided to try out for different things, he became depressed over it. However it was not enough as we had a adopted daughter that came to our home as a teenager. She carried with her, some low self-esteem, but I had encouraged her to get involved at school. I began to wonder if I had done the right things. She tried out for some of the same things that my daughter Jayme did. She would lose over and over, and Jayme would always place. Most always in she would be in the first spot, with several others still winning and placing. She would always say, I told you not to try out because you would not get it. Repeatedly I tried to find an answer. I found my best answer and that was I was against anything that is involved in competition. My adopted daughter did finally try out for something in school that my daughter did not try out for. She placed taking first place. She was happy and the ending to the damage of the competition has ended, but as for my son, to this day he still takes the back step to be involved in most everything he thinks about.
So if you wish to hear how I feel about competition you might learn that I have found some really hard facts and the truth is not one of my children won anything positive from a competition. The damage of something from a competition only causes low self-esteem. The winner will lose because of too much pride and people that hold too much pride will one day have to face some hard times in life.
Learn more about this author, Brenda Lee Chew.
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