Are the French hospitable to American tourists?

Yes

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by Cheryl Antier

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France is a country where hospitality, and a genuine concern for one's guests and making sure they're comfortable, has become almost an art form - and this includes their hospitality towards American tourists.

Of course, like any host, it can be difficult to deal with a rude or obnoxious guest, and this is an impression that sadly, I've seen a few Americans seem determined to leave with their hosts. (And any time we're in a country not our own, we are guests and should behave accordingly.)

Sadly, some tourists embody the term "the ugly American" - and act as if they were never taught even the most basic of good manners. I've seen tourists who go into restaurants, bars, and stores and speak loudly, butt in front of other customers, and speak only in English, as if they feel like their status as Americans afforded them special treatment.

These same people - who are often the ones who talk about how the French hate Americans, how rude they are and how they'll never go back to France - don't make the slightest effort to speak French, and they treat anyone who's not American - or at least English speaking - as if they're slightly "less than."

One of the many reasons I believe that the French are hospitable towards Americans is this: History in France goes back thousands of years, so an event that happened 50 to a hundred years ago seem like yesterday - which includes World War II. The French people - especially those whose parents fought in the war - still remember the Americans as heroes, who risked much to free them. (And if asked, they are often delighted to tell you family stories of what happened during the war, and of the brave American soldiers they met.)

Another reason is that the French people I know admire the Americans for our enthusiasm, our passion, and our belief that we can do anything we set our minds to.

It really doesn't take much effort on your part to get to see and experience the famous French hospitality first-hand. Are you lost? Just hold out a map and try your high-school French on any passer-by, and you'll see how friendly and helpful a typical French person will be.

Want to know the best restaurant in town? Ask a local.

Wondering where the best place to shop is, when is the best time to visit local museums, or how to find the least crowded beaches? All you have to do is ask.

Almost every French village and city has a local tourist bureau, and almost every one - hires people who speak at least a smattering of English. (In fact, most French children start learning English in elementary school, so a majority of the French speak at least a little English, although many are shy about using it in front of native English speakers. But with just a little encouragement, they will do their best.)

Although you may not be lucky enough to do more than visit the major tourist attractions, one of the best ways to experience real French hospitality is to try to get to know the people.

If you make even the slightest effort to speak French - then the warmth, hospitality and generosity of spirit that I've seen time and time again in the French comes out. If you don't speak enough to carry on a conversation, or the person you're talking with honestly can't understand you, don't be surprised if they keep asking other people, until they find someone who speaks English enough to answer your questions and help you.

What You Need To Know About French Manners

One thing you need to know about French manners - politeness and correctness are ingrained - which means they are not used to personal questions, and it is normal to speak formally - using "vous" rather than the familiar form of "tu" when you first meet. (In fact, it can literally take years before people use "tu" to each other.) So if you don't want to be perceived as rude, don't ask personal questions when you're meeting someone for the first time. Taboo subjects include how much money someone makes, what they think of their boss or generally talk about politics, religion or controversial subjects. And to avoid embarrassing your new friends, use "vous" until you're asked otherwise.

When you're getting to know someone, many French people may seem quiet and reserved - and in fact, many don't like to be the center of attention, and they don't want to be perceived as "showing off" - which is another reason some Americans can give off the wrong impression, especially if they're talking loudly, making jokes or generally acting differently than everyone else in the room. (Although you may be secretly admired for it, it's better to "do as the Romans do", when in French company.)

You may notice that the French are very affectionate when greeting each other - and you, once they've gotten to you know you a little. (Hand shaking is usually reserved only for business - and then only when meeting the first time, or between non-French people.)

It is normal for people to kiss each other when saying hello and good-bye - even the men. If you're in Paris, you may get kissed 3 times - first one check, then the other, and then back to the first cheek again. (Some people even kiss 4 times in the north, but this generally considered an affectation.)

In the south of France on the French Riviera, 2 kisses - one for each check will do. If you're not sure of the kissing rules for the area you're in, just watch - and if you're inexperienced in the art of cheek kissing, let the other person make the first move. Hugging is generally reserved for family members or very close friends, and then is only done as part of the kissing process.

If you are lucky enough to be invited into someone's home, to share a meal or enjoy an aperitif, be sure to bring a small gift for your host and hostess. (Flowers and a bottle of wine, for example, are just fine.)

Don't be surprised to find that a typical meal means that you spend 3 or 4 hours at the table - time flies, especially when the conversation is as delightful as the food and the wine.

If you're do eat out, you'll be missing out on a great experience if you don't try at least one "real" French cafe - preferably a place where the locals go to eat, rather than one that's set up for the tourists.

I've eaten at some tiny cafes where the restaurant is a family affair - Monsieur is the host and can recommend exactly the right wine to go with the meal. Madame may be the chef, and don't be surprised if, rather than given a menu, there is only one entree, with your choice of one or two side dishes. (Not only will the portions be generous, the food will be on par with anything you could eat in a 4 star restaurant - except that it will be real "home cooking" and you'll get to enjoy the best of the local specialities. And often for much, much less than you'd pay for trumped up nouveau cuisine!)

A good way to find these restaurants is to strike up a conversation with someone who lives in the village or city you're visiting.) For example, almost every village in France has a central spot where the locals go to play boules in the afternoons and on weekends. (Boules is a game that most French people are passionate about - and watching it is almost as fun as playing!)

If you've got the time, stop and watch a match - and feel free to ask questions of the spectators - this is a great way to get to know someone and also find out the best places to eat, shop and even stay.

If you're in a large city, (like almost anywhere in the world these days), you'll notice most people will not make eye contact with you, and don't smile. (This can be a little disconcerting if you come from a small town, where everyone knows everyone else and smiles and says hello.) So if you're ignored, or looked at a little strangely if you're smiling and saying Bonjour to people, don't take it personally. Good places to make contacts and get to speak to people are at the local parks, in grocery stores, butcher shops and the fishmonger's, and, as mentioned before, at the local boules spot.

If you're in a small town, people are generally much friendlier and will smile and say hello back. And again, going to the local open-air market or shopping, or even local cafes is a good way to get to know the locals here.

I think a big part of how well you are treated in France, like any other experience any time you're traveling, comes in large part from your own expectations, behavior and attitude. All you have to do to have a wonderful time is to treat people the way you'd want to be treated, and be respectful and pleasant. I believe if you look for the good in people, you'll usually find it, especially when traveling in France.

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