Can mothers diagnosed with bipolar disorder make good parents?

No

1 of 2

by L G Smith

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My youngest sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder eighteen years ago, just after the birth of her first and only child. That only child has been through nightmare after nightmare throughout her eighteen years of life. I would like to describe a few of the many upsetting events involving her mother that I have personally witnessed.

Shortly after the birth of my niece, I went to visit my sister and meet the new addition to our family. This was an out of state trip for me. My mother, who lived a just a few miles from my sister, was also visiting the day I arrived. Mom was making soup for all of us, since it was cold outside, and it was nearing lunchtime.

After holding the new arrival for awhile, I noticed my sister acting strangely, walking to the kitchen and back to the living room over and over, shaking her head and muttering to herself all the while. During one of her trips to the kitchen, I heard loud shouting and a cry from my mother. After quickly placing the baby in her crib, I rushed into the kitchen to see my mother cringing in a corner while my sister stood over her waving a large serving spoon and shouting over and over in a screeching voice, "I know you put poison in the soup! You think you will get rid of me that way, but it won't work!"

Moving quietly up behind my ranting sister, I grabbed the spoon from her hand, and had to hug her tightly to keep her from attacking my mother. It took almost an hour to calm both of the down, and afterward my sister acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. In fact, when it was mentioned, and she was asked why it happened, she vehemently denied knowing what we were even talking about.

Several months later, my mother, my sister and I were shopping at the local mall when my sister started jabbering so fast we could barely make out a word she said. She was accusing her husband of trying to kill her the day before by leaving the gas stove in their kitchen on without the burners being lit. In fact, she said this was not the first time he had tried to kill her so that he could take her daughter away from her.

The sad part of that episode is that my brother-in-law had divorced my sister the previous year, saying he could no longer deal with her illness. He had not seen my sister since the divorce.

My sister was unable to hold a job for more than one or two weeks at a time, and usually less than a day or two. Mom had paid for her to go to school to become a hair stylist, but within a few days after starting a new job, trouble started. Other employees complained that my sister 'acted weird', talked strangely, abused the customers, and on and on until the employer would let her go.

She tried waitressing, clerking in a toy store, selling door to door, and numerous other jobs. Sadly, none of them would last any longer than the one before it.

Just before my nieces' second birthday, I invited my sister to bring her daughter and come to stay with me for a few months. I mistakenly thought I could help her handle her illness better, and possibly help her get settled in the small town where I lived. What a mistake that turned out to be!

Let me just say that the least upsetting thing to happen was when my sister told her daughter to go sit on a man's lap at a fast food restaurant and tell him it was her birthday so that he would give her money. I tried to be as much help as I could, until the situation became so bad it was beginning to terribly upset my husband and two children. I finally asked my sister leave, and had to threaten to call the police a week later to get her to leave.

Two weeks later my sister called to tell me how much she enjoyed her visit, and to ask if she could come back to stay again. This almost brought me to tears. It was so very hard to tell her no, that she was not invited.

When my niece was three years old, due to financial hardship, she and my sister moved in with Mom. Everything seemed to go along fine for a few weeks, then my mother called late one night upset and crying. She had been in bed for about two hours when my sister burst into her bedroom holding a large piece of pipe in her hand and threatening my mother with the words, "What did you put in my food tonight? You are trying to poison me so you can have my baby!" Somehow, Mom got my sister calmed down enough to get her out of the room so she could lock the door. That was the first time our mother signed papers to have my sister committed to an institution that specialized in treating bipolar disorder.

Since then, my sister has been institutionalized eight more times. Each time has been more traumatic than the last for the whole family, but especially for my niece. Some of the medications that were prescribed would work for a while, until my sister quit taking them because she said they made her mind fuzzy and she couldn't concentrate or think straight. But there was no amount of pleading or threatening that would convince her that she must continue to take her pills.

My niece bounced back and forth between her father and her mother for the next fifteen years. Her father did not have a very stabilizing effect on her, nor did he provide any thing close to a warm and loving atmosphere for a child to grow up in. Even so, had it been my decision, I would not have let her stay with my sister any longer than a few days at a time. Each time she returned to her dad's, it would take weeks to get her settled down enough to return to school without getting into constant trouble.

There is no doubt in my mind that bipolar disorder is a very sad and debilitating illness. It is sad for the patient and for the family. The incredible frustration and sadness that my family and I have endured for my sister over the years has been unbelievable, but it is nothing compared to what I am sure my sister has gone through. My niece has gone through it right along with her, and lately has been showing some of the same symptoms that my sister did in the early days of her illness.

Do I think a mother who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder will make a good mother? I love my sister dearly and I am sure her daughter has been a blessing to her many times. But I must say, my answer is a resounding "no"!

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