Yes

by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: October 02, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2012

Yes it is definitely better to give than it is to receive, however, the child in me relishs receiving gifts and is not above jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning who receives his or her favorite toy.

But the precept, "...giving is better than receiving" is a mainstay of many religions and when practiced, pretty much defines the character of an individual. Yet, one should have a sense of self for handling some of the downsidesof this remarkable ideal, especially when dealing with those who would willingly take advantage of  another's altruistic nature. Arguably there are some who believe it's about the givers and not the receivers, but I submit there are nuances to this noble concept that are worthy of exploration.

Before I began working in San Francisco, a city known for its aggressive panhandling, I believed the mendicants on the City's streets were victims of an unjust system; therefore, I carried around quarters. After several months of handing out quarters for buying breakfast, helping with lodging costs or getting cold medicine, I began to wonder whether the street community was engaging in what they considered their job. I was more convinced when several years later, I noticed many of the same folks still on the streets and were still asking for money for the same needs, so I had to re-evaluate my thinking on giving.

The fact that I doled out quarters for months was not the issue and was not what bothered me; it was my complicity in aiding and abetting them from becoming productive citizens. Many showed no signs of illness and seemed to be able-bodied. As an adherent of the Christian faith, I believed I was going against one of its tenets (II Thessalonians 3:10), "For even we were with you, we commanded you this: if anyone will not work, neither will he eat." With that precept, I was able to validate my decision and discontinued meting out quarters. I have not determined whether they consider begging their regular job, though from all outward appearances it seems so.

Then there is the question of perpetual users. What about folks who will take everything you have to offer and more, but offer nothing in return? Should you keep on giving? Is there some lesson to be learned by doing so?

When I was a child my mother's life, and by extension my life, was fashioned around truisms, which accounted for the months I always carried around $20 worth of quarters. She would say "a closed fist allows nothing out; therefore nothing comes in." With such noble standards, I grew up believing in sharing and giving and always received immense pleasure in being able to do so. I have often wondered why I am not jaded as I have encountered quite a few individuals who believed I was a patsy because I gave to them over and over again and from some, without ever receiving so much as a thank you.

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that you give because you either believe it's the right thing to do and forget it or because you give with the expectation of reciprocity. If it's the latter, chances are you will have a few disappointments along the way and will probably miss the opportunity to experience the pleasure of the concept. Some argue that when giving, you are receiving because you are in the position of being a blessing to someone. I like that.

Despite the downsides, I still believe it is better to give than it is to receive as it is a biblical principle. There is a certain satisfaction in making a human connection and seeing a special need and knowing you are filling it.

While you may not be able to control the selfish nature of others, you can allow the Godly side of yourself to manifest and give because all you give will be returned to you in much greater measures. It is a proven bibical precept.

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