No

by Melissa Cavanaugh

Created on: January 11, 2009

It is absolutely a parent's prerogative to choose their child's bedtime. I firmly believe that all families are different, live by different codes of ethics family-wise, and should make choices that are best suited for their needs. With that said, children are growing, learning, and constantly changing creatures. They have biological needs that we as adults do not. If I choose to stay up late and read a great novel with a cup of tea, or head out for drinks with girlfriends, I'll be the one paying in the morning. My body is no longer growing (at least not vertically), and I don't require at least ten hours a sleep per night. Children do.

When I was a first-time parent, I felt that it would be ok to let my baby stay up late with me. After all, I wasn't working, and I didn't have to be up in the morning at the crack of dawn. So my ten o'clock normal bedtime turned into eleven, then twelve - soon, I was not sure what the difference between morning and night was! I was living by the hours my baby wanted to keep. This baby hadn't ever been to school or to work, and had no realization of what "normal" hours could possibly be. With my second baby, I had a little bit more going on in life - an older child, a part-time job, and my second baby was put to bed when I felt he needed to go. This was around the eight o'clock hour, giving him ten to twelve hours of much-needed rest. Of course there was fighting, crying, resisting. My baby knew his father and I were up, and he wanted to stay with us. He didn't like being told that he was a child, and not allowed to participate in the late-night reverly that I'm sure he thought was going on. That's why we are parents. It is our job not to cave in to an infant or toddler's demands, but to set the boundaries for a happy, healthy childhood.

While having a night owl child is fine for some families at first, reality is going to hit, sooner or later. There is something called school that children eventually must attend, which requires prompt arrival at an early hour. There is no benefit from allowing a child to live his youngest years as a night owl, and then right before school begins, forcing the child to become an early bird. Yes, we can tell our child that the early bird catches the worm, but that makes no difference to a youngster who has become accustomed to a very late bedtime. Forcing him to go to bed at, say, the reasonable hour of eight at night would to a normal adult feel like heading to bed at four or five in the evening! This cannot be an easy transition for a child. Starting out with a normal bedtime is a more just and fair method of introducing a child to the "real world".

Additionally, there is a parental selfish factor in an early bedtime for a child. Young children are fabulous, fun little creatures - but they are also very demanding! I remember being absolutely exhausted as a young mother. I looked around my home at supper time, amazed at the destruction left by nothing less than a level four twister. I recall the feeling of - where did my day go? Who came in here and left toys from one end of my home to the other, and left dirty dishes piled sky high in my kitchen sink? I know I was busy, I played with my child, cared and bathed my child, but I didn't get anything at all done! The rare, precious time I had to actually bathe, clean the house, and possibly even read a chapter of a blessed novel came only when my children were put to bed. I looked forward to my selfish time - those two hours after eight pm in which I could count on peace, quiet, and the chance to put a name to my own face. This time let me gather my thoughts, pick up my home, and connect with friends on the phone, refreshing me for the next morning when I could count on my child needing me once again. I know that those critical hours of my own time kept me happy and energetic for my kids each day.

So basically, it's your call. Do what you need to do for your family. But if you value your own time to regain mental composure, to ensure your child's regular sleep pattern which will coincide nicely with school and the real world, consider putting your child to bed at a decent, happy hour. Happy hour it is!

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