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Is it possible to unconditionally love an adopted child?
Results so far:
| Yes | 94% | 706 votes | Total: 751 votes | |
| No | 6% | 45 votes |
Yes
by Shannon Lisa
Created on: March 05, 2008 Last Updated: July 02, 2010
We love our children because they are our children, we care for them and teach them and help them grow. Whether we birth them or not they are our children and the love we feel for them rests upon that condition.
In the context of the phrase "Is it possible to unconditionally love an adopted child?" my answer is "Yes" if the context is being taken as "Can you love an adopted child as much as a biological child (and/or blood relative)?". My answer will always be "Yes" no matter the wording as long as the meaning of the words imply that concept...the answer is yes. Given the actual dictionary definition of the words in the phrase though, my answer is "No".
Breaking it down one can clearly see that the implication of the statement is that the question is asking about being able to love an adopted child versus a blood relative; because in our society we consider our love of family to be unconditional. One loves their children unconditionally and others are horrified if they find out one does not. One loves their parents unconditionally and others are appalled if they find out one does not. If you replace the words 'an adopted child' with 'anyone', the meaning of the entire question becomes radically different to almost anyone interpreting it. The two questions are exactly the same, one is just more specific than the other.
The words 'is it possible to' have very clear meaning, they set up the whole question. The word 'unconditionally' means something very specific. Unconditional means without conditions; a state of affairs that must be brought about before something else is possible or permitted. The word 'love' is clear and the last words, "an adopted child", can be interchanged with almost anything as long as the rest of the sentence stays the same...the meaning remains. The question is asking about loving unconditionally, and it doesn't matter who or what is the subject because the answer is always the same.
It is not possible to unconditionally love anyone or anything. If love can be at all equated with respect, and respect is something one must earn, how is love unconditional? Even without that equation, the possibility of unconditional love does not truly exist. We say that we love our families unconditionally, but the condition of the love is the fact that they are our families. Even if that is the only condition, it is still a condition. The context applies to every relationship in every walk of life for every human. Even people that love all of humanity, many times the condition is that humanity in and of itself. People that say they love all life, the condition is the life in and of itself. People who love inanimate objects choose which ones they favor and which they don't like so much, the enjoyment of the object itself is the condition. Unless one were to say they love everyone and everything in existence there is no way to unconditionally love at all. Even then, it seems like the condition would be existence in and of itself.
Family is important, and we should love our families and respect them...but that love and respect is not unconditional. The reality is that loving anyone without conditions is impossible. People assume that they unconditionally love their children, or their parents, or their lovers because of how much love they feel for them. The fact is though, the conditions that qualify that individual for your love in the first place should be paid tribute. They earned your love, they deserve your love, that's a wonderful thing.
It is possible to love an adopted child as much as a biological one, just like it is possible for some people to not love their children at all. Some fathers are overbearing and protective for their adopted daughters as some fathers are for their biological ones; some fathers don't protect their children at all, or care what happens to them. Some mothers dance with their adopted son on his wedding day just like some mothers dance with their biological son on his; some mothers don't know their son is getting married, because they just don't care. It is possible to love someone that is not in your biological family so much it feels like they are your family. Family is a word, it does not mean blood so much as it means bond.
It is not possible to love an adopted child unconditionally because it is not possible to love anyone unconditionally. But I know it is possible to love an adopted child like they are your own spirit...even if they aren't your own flesh and blood...and the bonds of spirit are stronger than ties of the physical anyway.
Learn more about this author, Shannon Lisa.
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No
by Kiara Quick
Created on: November 06, 2007
To love an adopted child unconditionally is not as black and white as it sounds. When I first read the question I thought of course it is! What a disgusting question! If you can't love it unconditionally why would you bother adopting? After careful consideration of why people adopt my view on the question got a little grey compared to the first black and white situation I had imagined.
To love any child unconditionally is a tremendous ask, but to love a child unconditionally that you are not responsible for bringing into the world in the first place, seems an even bigger ask. When a child disappoints its parents, you hear comments such as "where did I go wrong?" and often you hear grandparents telling stories and sharing comments on how "he's just like his mother/father when they were young". But when the child is not yours and you are not in any way responsible for its traits and personal characteristics where do you start?
Considering the reasons people choose to adopt, from personal health such as infertility to reasons such as making the world a better place and doing there bit of charitable work, it's easy to put yourself in there thought process and wonder what they might think when things go wrong.
I would like to consider myself a good person with a good heart, but I have no doubt that if my adopted child grew up to become mixed up in a bad scene or continually land themselves in trouble, my first question would be where did I go wrong? But the second question that crosses my mind would be if this child was my own biological child, with my blood and my personality traits would it have walked the same path?
I don't believe you can unconditionally love any child, but to love a child that is not of your own blood and does not have your own traits and attributes would be a godly act. If my child grew up to become a prostitute or heavy drug user or criminal I know I would have my moments where I think how could I possibly love someone that I spent my whole life loving and caring for, putting bandaids on grazed knees and teaching right and wrong so wilfully disappoint me and forget everything I taught them.
It is human nature to blame yourself and then reassess the issue and push the blame on to someone else. A mother will naturally blame herself first, but when a child is adopted no matter how golden a mothers heart is thoughts about how the child could thank her for adopting them by doing horrible things will always cross her mind. No matter how much she denies it a mother that adopts will always look for a "thankyou for adopting me" in some form. Whether it be to make her proud, or praise her.
A biological mother is responsible for bringing there own child into the world. In that case it is the mother that is thankful for the baby. Not the baby that is thankful for the mother.
Learn more about this author, Kiara Quick.
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