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RSS FeedBreaking the adoption language barrier: Should parents learn the child's native language?
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| Yes | 66% | 80 votes | Total: 122 votes | |
| No | 34% | 42 votes |
Yes
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Add to FavoritesThere is more to language than just being able to communicate with another person. Language is an important part of any culture. It forms the backbone of how cultures developed and changed from one area to another.
Trying to learn the language of an adopted child is more than just learning how to communicate with him or her. It is showing the child that his culture is important and is part of who he is. It is shows that you accept the differences between the child and yourself and embrace him for them.
As foreign country adoptions became more popular, I think it is more important that parents learn how to incorporate the cultures and traditions of their adopted child into their lives and their traditions. The children are being removed from their native countries for a chance at a better life. They should not be expected to give up everything that makes them a part of who they are. These children should be exposed to their culture so that as they grow older, they have a chance to explore it and understand it fully with no obstacles.
By trying to learn the language of their child, the parents are showing him his culture and his background is important. The parents do not necessarily have to become fluent in the language. But knowing a few words or phrases can show the child that they are willing to do anything for him to help him succeed in life. It can also encourage the child to learn more about who he is and who his ancestors are so that he can better understand his place in life.
If you are adopting a child of a different ethnicity, you should want to learn everything possible to help that child feel adjusted and secure in life. Physical differences will make it apparent that your child is adopted so it will be most likely be a fairly open adoption from early on in the relationship if your child is only on infant when you adopt him. And if he is older, the child will already be aware that he is adopted. There will be questions from the child about where he came from, about his culture, about his religion, and his ancestors. If you are going to learn the answers to all these questions, why not learn some of the language to. That way, you can learn to communicate with your child in another way and encourage a desire to learn more at the same time.
We all want to know where we came from; hence, the popularity of genealogical programs and family heritage tracing resources. Part of understanding cultures is understanding the languages that make an important part of them.
Learn more about this author, Faye Price.
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No
Should adoptive parents learn their child's native language? Since I've been forced to choose between YES and NO, with no choice in between like "IT DEPENDS," I came down on the "no" side. I would, however, qualify that answer by saying that most of all, it depends on the age of the child being adopted.
Having adopted 2 children from Korea and 3 from Russia, I've had experience with this situation. I didn't know a word of Korean, but I had a pretty fair knowledge of Russian from having studied it for 4 years in college. My 2 children from Korea came to me at the age of 3. Needless to say, they picked up English with amazing speed. Within a few months, they were communicating well. I never noticed any particular frustration on their part, at least, no more than the average 3 year old who can't make himself understood. I, of course, was able to rely on gestures and pantomime to get my idea across.
My children from Russia came to me at ages 11, 10, and 15. They were not siblings and did not arrive together. With the first 2, I spoke a bit of Russian at first, though at that point my Russian was pretty rusty after 25 years of disuse. I mainly used it for short phrases, not much more than someone might pick up from a Berlitz course. My first Russian child was very unhappy and poorly adjusted, so she clung to her Russian, I'm sure because she held out hope of going back there someday. My second Russian child, who was much happier to be here, learned English rapidly and quickly forgot all his Russian (except the cuss words, of course). With these two older children, I think it was somewhat helpful that I knew some Russian, but not really essential. But when I adopted a 15 year old boy, my Russian was put to good use. This boy had a very difficult adjustment and, if I hadn't known the language, I think the adoption would have been doomed. During that first year, if I hadn't been able to talk with him about his feelings and his behaviors, I don't know how we would have worked through any of his very major issues. We spoke only Russian between us for the first 10 months he was here, until one day he declared, "Better if we speak English!" He maintained his native language, but not because he spoke with me using such simplified Russian, but because he read extensively on the Internet, found Russian exchange students here, and called back home frequently.
So, in general, I would say that a parent should not necessarily spend a great deal of time learning the child's native language. Unless you spend years studying the language, I doubt that you are going to learn enough to hold deep conversations about emotions and life experiences with your child. You're not going to learn enough to help your child keep their native language alive. You can keep a list of helpful phrases handy, like "are you hungry" or "where does it hurt" or "i love you," which may smooth the initial few weeks. You can try to find a picture dictionary with both languages. If your child is old enough to read, you both can make use of a bilingual dictionary when pantomime fails. If you adopt a teenager, it would be very helpful to know the language well, but unless you studied it before, you probably won't learn enough in a crash course to help too much. Knowing someone who could translate in sticky situations would be nice, but that person needs to understand their role as translator and not interfere with the bonding process between you and your child.
As for the issue of showing respect for your child and his culture...you may see learning the language as a sign of respect, but I just don't think children think that way. In my personal opinion, a more important sign of respect is to keep the child's original name, at least until he is able to verbalize that he wants to change it (or not).
Learn more about this author, Galen Gregory.
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