Are imaginary friends good for children?

Yes

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by Alishia Fox

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Anyone who has seen "Drop Dead Fred", a classic 1980's comedy, about a grown woman who rediscovers her childhood imaginary friend, could possibly argue that childhhod imaginary friends, are not something that should be encouraged in children. However, as many other article writers have written, imagination and pretend play, is an important element in children's learning. Take for example a young girl, who brings her doll to life (in her imagination) to role play. Watch her as she changes the doll's nappy or clothes, feeds it a bottle, and cuddles it when it 'cries'. Imagination is needed for all kinds of play and thus learning development. We as adults imagine every day when considering how to acheive whatever goal it is that we are working. But how is all this relevant to your child having an imaginary friend? How do you know whether or not supporting your child's imaginary beliefs is appropriate to foster their development? Before you start having serious conversations with your child about saying goodbye to their friend, perhaps consider why your child may need or want them around, often they are used as an outlet for emotion, this could help you better communicate with your child.

First, let's look at some common theories, that are believed in general, to explain why a child may have an imaginary friend.

Another more common belief that a child may create an imaginary friend, is that in some way or another the child may be feeling some form of 'emptiness', for want of a better word. That is not to say that all children who have imaginary friends do so because they have suffered neglect, no need to start a panic and get in deep, let me further explain. This is usually more the case in older children who, according to development norms should have "outgrown the phase' of needing an imaginary friend.

In saying this, let's look at what your child may be gaining from their imaginary friendship, and wether or not the imaginary friend should be a cause for concern. What is your child's daily routine? Are they in school or kindergarten? Do they socialise with other children their age, siblings or children in the neighbour hood? and yes I'll be crass enough to ask, do they watch TV?, this includes children's programs? I'm not about to lecture on violent videos and video games being detrimental to your childs health. Now take in to account that the answers to these questions could answer your concerns in one of many ways.

If your child has a lot of social interaction with other children his or her own age, is it possible that they are recreating play scenarios with friends upon returning home? Are they using inspiration from TV shows or stories in their own imaginary play, and imagining extra people to play other characters? Or, Is it possible, that your child simply has created an imaginary friend to feel that they have somone to relate to , their own age, own size, with similar interests, if they spend more time around adults?

These are many of the innocent reasons behind young children having an imaginary friend and are often considered normal. But what if you feel there is something more serious happening with your child, you don't really feel that it is still appropriate in their stage of development to still be interacting with an imaginary person? Perhaps you're concerned that your child is being bullied at school and perhaps the imaginary friend is somone they can confide in. This is where an imaginary friend can be an indicator of the emotions your child is feeling that they may be uncomfortable to confide in you about.

This doesn't make your child crazy, it just means this is how they have chosen to create an outlet for certain emotions. So how do we help? Get to know your child's imaginary friend through your child, when do you seem to notice the imaginary friend most often, certain times, certain days or around certain people? Ask your child what things they talk with their friend about, they may not tell you straight away, remember, the friend may be away for them to express emotions they feel they should not. Ask your child how your imaginary friend makes them feel. It may be quite a long process, learning about your child's friend and what his role is, but it's worth it. The more questions you ask, even indirectly, will help you to understand your child's needs for an imaginary friend, thus helping you to provide the appropriate support for any problems they are facing on their own. Spending time together will help you all get to know one another better, and when your child is ready their imaginary friend will soon "dissappear".

So in conclusion to my theory, an imaginary friend, could possibly be a great assistance in getting to know your child as they grow, and remember, that sometimes, no matter how open a parent you are there may still be things your child might not want to confide in you about, so be patient and understand, why. Thus an imaginary friend can be a postive experience to focus on in early childhood.

Remember, that your child having an imaginary friend may not always be an indicator that they are suffereing some form of upset, it may just be how they choose to play. Imagination in play is a great fundemental learning tool, so let it flourish and participate with your child, let your child direct you in their imaginary world, until it truly becomes a need for concern.

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