Keep

by Hamlet Pericles

Created on: October 02, 2007   Last Updated: July 08, 2011

Women worldwide go through many name changes upon marriage (or marriages), which makes this topic interesting.  It raises an abundance of questions, but the main question is clear: should a woman’s maiden name be expendable and dropped upon marriage?   

A woman should never drop her maiden name and adopt her husband's last name (surname) upon marriage, because that is her history.  Rather, the husband's surname should be added to her maiden name. This archaic tradition of dropping a woman's maiden name has been practiced for centuries worldwide and continues in the present day, but it has a condescending motif about it.

Because 90 percent of American women instinctively choose to drop their maiden name when they utter the words “I do,” it is safe to say that the whole debate over retaining one's name is a minute issue; it's basically nonexistent. However, for those vocal women who personify a strong mind and care to preserve their history, the questions and debates regarding maiden names continue.

In the 1850s, an activist/suffragette by the name of Lucy Stone outraged many by pioneering a movement to keep maiden names alive.  In fact, when she married Henry Blackwell, an abolitionist, Stone decided to keep her name and refused to take her husband’s name.   Her actions precipitated the Lucy Stone League, founded in New York in 1921, where a group of women dedicated themselves to the conservation of women's maiden names.  Because of Stone’s actions and refusal to drop her name for her husband’s, women have been labeled "Lucy Stoners" if they choose not to drop their maiden names to adopt their husbands’ names.

The maiden name issue is problematic on many levels.

Firstly, when a woman is brought into this world by her parents, she gets the last name of her father to show affiliation, which does not present a problem. The problem occurs when she weds, because she drops her birth name (her father's last name) and adopts her husband's last name.  Metaphorically speaking, this can be viewed negatively as supremacy and indirect ownership via name affiliation.  Why? Because the man that brings her into this world, rightfully identifies her with his name, which is later changed to the husband's name, signifying superiority and ownership.

Back in the day when slavery was accepted, slaves were given a name that affiliated them with their masters. When the master was through abusing and using the slaves, they were passed along and sold to another master, who named her/him after his name (or a distinctive name) to show ownership. This example is not exactly a depiction of the case with maiden names; it only serves as an interpretation, but the similarities are clear.

Secondly, another problem with the abandonment of maiden names is that the line of descent of the male that she marries is seen as the primary, which makes her a part of her husband’s family when she is not related to his family biologically.   Her family's lineage is only tied to her mother's and father's line; thus, why should any woman be obligated by societal norm and marriage to drop her name to promote her husband’s name?

Thirdly, a woman who changes her last name has no inherited name linking her to her female and male ancestors. When a woman drops her maiden name, she basically loses her history and identity. Moreover, when a family member tries to find a lost loved one for a family reunion (or even to formulate a family tree), the task becomes almost impossible, for her true identity is gone.

This is not to stray away from the topic at hand, but to advance the argument of indirect ownership this practice will be scrutinized briefly from a business-transaction point of view, mergers and acquisitions (M&A).  

When Wachovia bank acquired SouthTrust bank in 2004, SouthTrust's name was dropped and became nonexistent. Burdines and Macy's had a similar transaction.  These two retail giants stood as separate entities and joined forces to form Burdines-Macy's. Later, Burdines was phased out to only carry the name Macy's.  The names, SouthTrust and Burdines, are remembered by many but not by the masses, for they have no relevance in the present day and have been forgotten.   This is exactly what happens to women who drop their maiden names and it will continue to happen if women allow it to happen. 

Maiden names have become so meaningless that they are often used as a secret code. When one starts a bank account, he/she is usually asked the question, what is your mother’s maiden name? The same occurs when registering to some secure Internet sites.

Married women who assume their husband's name should think deeply of the major changes they must undergo.  A new driver's license has to be created, a new Social Security card, other forms of identification, etc.   Are all of these time-consuming procedures really necessary due to marriage when that birth name has been carried for many years?

Combating this maiden name conundrum is simple. Rather than dropping a maiden name altogether, a newly web should keep her name and add the surname of the man she marries. For example, if Konnie Dicore marries a man by the name of Wilkay Flarini, her full name after marriage would be Konnie Dicore Flarini or Konnie Dicore-Flarini. It's that simple; she should add his name in conjunction with hers.

If a woman forgoes these options and decides to keep her name without adding her husband’s last name at all, then she should have the support of her husband.  If a husband has a problem with his wife refusing to take his last name, she should be very wary of why it bothers him.    

Marriage does not say that a woman should neglect her last name for a man she will likely divorce due to the divorce-rate statistics.  Marriage is a union between a man and a woman who vow to live together; it is not a union that mandates a name change and/or identity alteration.

Therefore, when a woman utters those words "I do," she should also utter, "I DO NOT want to change my last name because it is my history, and I am obligated to preserve what is mine.”

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