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Friendship Advice
RSS FeedIs it better to have a large or small group of friends?
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| Large | 23% | 183 votes | Total: 812 votes | |
| Small | 77% | 629 votes |
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Add to FavoritesThis is a hard topic to write on only from the standpoint of definitions. A "friend" is a person who is more than an acquaintance, that you have some sort of relationship with over a period of time. The challenge is that all of those variables are somewhat subjective, including the "relationship", and the period of "time". We also use terminology like "good" friend, or "close" friend. We even break things into timetables by saying someone is an "old" friend, or we put them in a particular context like saying someone is a "work" friend. Regardless of our definitions, I would say that stating whether it is better to have a large or small group of friends depends a lot on your vocation, your purpose in life, and your social style. That said, I would argue that a large group of friends is better for several reasons.
YOU CAN ALWAYS FOCUS ON A SMALLER GROUP IF NEEDED
Truthfully, maintaining a large group of friends can be hard. You must maintain contact or spend time with people in order to keep the relationship going. However, if maintaining a large group of friends becomes too burdensome, you can always decide to spend time with a smaller group of friends. Then, if you more time becomes available, chances are you can reconnect with the larger group. Unless there is a falling out of some sort, people tend to stay "friends", even if they lose touch. We like the sense of belonging, so we don't tend to remove the "friend" label, even if we lose contact. We typically just reclassify, which is when the "old" friend title kicks in.
A LARGE GROUP CAN BE A LARGE RESOURCE
Depending on your line of work or your extracurricular endeavors, a large group of friends can be an invaluable resource. In business and other vocational settings, experts talk about the value of "networking", which is a fancy word for your group of acquaintances, business associates, and friends. When you have a large group of friends, you have a large network, even if the group represents varying levels of friendship. For example, if you are doing a fundraiser, you may be able to tap into your large group of friends, rather than have to overextend a small group of friends.
Overall, I think it is nice to have a large group of friends. It diversifies your contacts, and allows you to do a broader variety of social and business activities. Friendship takes time, so trying to expand on a small group of friends can be more labor-intensive than maintaining a larger group of friends. Much depends on your social style, so pick a size that works for you and maintain it so you can enjoy it and use it when the time comes.
Learn more about this author, Todd Pheifer.
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Small
I prefer a small group of friends to a large group. I have had both in my life and I have to say, I've had better luck when my group of friends was small. The more friends you have, the less time you get to spend with each one of them. The more friends you have, the more potential you have to be hurt by said friends. The potential for gossip to spread and friends to take sides is much higher when you have a larger group of friends.
I emphasize quality over quantity when it comes to having friends. Having fewer friends allows you to know a person on a deeper level. So many times when one has a lot of friends, most of those friendships end up being superficial because you don't spend enough time with each individual person to form a real bond. And with everyone having such busy lives these days, a lot of people have trouble keeping up when they only have a few close friendstherefore having a gaggle of friends just does not fit into most people's lifestyles today.
Lately I am starting to think women are better off having fewer female friends, where men seem to be better off having many friends of both sexes. The reason for this is because (in my experience anyway) females can be so incredibly catty that a woman who has many female friends risks having those friends talk about her behind her back and then turn around and act like a best friend. I myself have been stabbed in the back by many female friends whom I considered family. It seems to me a woman is much more likely to be betrayed by a female friend than a male friend. Men do not seem to have this problem, most likely because they approach friendship (with men and women) differently than women do.
A few intimate friends usually provide much more support and understanding than friends who haven't taken the time to form a strong bond with the person. I feel that as long as you have one or two good friends you can count on, trying to have a big group of friends is pointless. If you're going to take the time to form a friendship with someone, you might as well do it right and be thorough.
My thoughts and opinions on this subject stem from the fact that these days I have very few friends.and I'm fine with that. It is so hard to get to know people and to find someone who is reliable and trustworthy. Once you've found that I think you've struck a good balance between having no friends and having so many friends that you can't even keep up with them all. I would rather spend the rest of my life having just a few close friends whom I know I can trust than try to be a social butterflywhich is something I'm not now, and never have been.
So here's to good quality friendships. I will always value quality over quantity when it comes to having friends.
Learn more about this author, Julie Somerville.
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