Has online dating helped or impeded relationship-building?

Helped

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by Mona Lisa Safai

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In our contemporary society, technology is so deeply embedded in how we communicate from cell phones, headsets, computers, CDs, fax machines, scanners, etc. Even how we pay for our groceries has changed from using the cashier to self-check out that interpersonal interaction has become restricted and limited to a certain degree. In the workplace, email is used without a second thought throughout the day despite the fact the coworker we're sending the email to sits in the next cubicle. In our personal lives, technology is used as the medium we rely on for not only efficiency of information, security from an overwhelming world, and as a conveyer of our thoughts, ideas, and emotions.

Online dating is a concept that necessitates the many individuals who want to fulfill their fast paced lives but also do not want to spend their time in environments which will bring wasted, repetitive results. Americans tend to be competitive and goal oriented, in general. In the past, traditional approaches to dating were to meet through families, friends, mutual acquaintances, school, work, place of worship, and other social organizations. Additionally, individuals met in parties, bars, and cafes, etc.

While individuals still utilize these old fashioned ways of meeting people in the real world, technology offers a more focused outlet in the virtual world. The online dating services hone in on one's interests, ambitions, temperaments (depending on the detail of the site), and attempts to match individuals in accordance to personality. It's far from perfect. But, each individual can prioritize their desired match in the privacy of their own home. One can also decide how forward he/she wants to be in approach and willingness to risk. These are decisions we all make in the real world as well. In the virtual world, the challenge is still there. However, one calculates the risks and costs with a little more caution.

Before the rise of online dating, the scenario was usually the same. Either one found his/her match or not. Or one just settled. With online dating available, many individuals who have a difficult time dating are making the effort to ease into the dating world. Those who live in the fast paced, 25 hour a day, caffeine culture world, not a minute to waste also have found themselves dating online. The efficiency works for them.

It is a simple analysis: The same person can spend the same amount of time looking for their compatible match in the real world as he/she does in the virtual world. There is no guarantee one way or the other. It really comes down to how proactively one searches, luck, and timing.
The progression of time and technological advancement has led to a more mainstream approach to online dating which, while in the beginning, carried a stigma in society. If someone dated online and actually found a successful relationship, they kept that fact hidden because online dating was not yet socially acceptable. After time and rethinking (at least in some areas), the practice has gained recognition as just another way of meeting.

Many skeptical family and friends feared online predators, socially and emotionally immature behavior in cyberspace, and dating under false information. With the growth of online dating sites, so came the abuse. Much has been done to rectify the damage so that online daters may feel safe while dating online. Nothing is for certain. But it is also the responsibility of the online dater to date responsibly.

The popularity of these sites should come as no surprise. We live in a hyper technological age. Whatever field we work and play in, one thing is most likely certaintechnology is involved. We cannot escape its necessity and allure to simplify our lives. They challenge our minds as we continually perfect them. Many are concerned that our interpersonal skills have decreased and, therefore, we cannot sustain intimate relationships. Technology is only the medium used to discover those intimate connections. It does not sustain them; we do.

Once individuals meet in person, the next task is to decide compatibility. Online dating does not hinder relationship building. In fact, the services offered enable more individuals than ever to connect without boundaries. If a relationship is going to succeed, then it will regardless of technology. Emotional, physical, and mental intelligence is instilled within us, not our technology (wellfor now at least). If a couple initially meets online or at a wedding does not determine their level of success in a relationship. It is up to them.

Not all sites are ideal for relationship building. However, each site tailors to a certain target group so that individuals know what services are being offered. In particular, while some sites offer matches for relationships, others are targeted toward sexual encounters. While many disagree with these sites, something to keep in mind is that the Internet is a place that does not have to abide by one or two viewpoints or lifestyles. If someone is looking for a sexual encounter and finds it through the Internet, then so be it. However, the challenge of such sites is to keep them safe from youth and only available to consenting adults.

With online dating comes the evolution of dating itself. Today, singles sense the "rules" have altered and the dating scene has changed over the years. There is more freedom and the gender roles are not as rigid as before. Through online dating, individuals can get a glimpse of this before even meeting. Words have a way of expressing a personality in the most refreshing and unique ways. These days, little identifiers of humor and common interests brings assurance to many singles until ready to meet.

While the traditional forms of meeting continue to exist and many still partake in them, technology does not behave as an impediment to building relationships as much as an opportunity to beginning new ones. What we choose to do with these relationships is a personal discovery, not a technological hindrance. In essence, technological advancement gives us the best of both worlds: the real and virtual. We can choose which we want to initiate relationships in and go from there.

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