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| No | 92% | 651 votes | Total: 705 votes | |
| Yes | 8% | 54 votes |
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Add to FavoritesA few years ago, I read a most interesting article about modern parenting. In it, the writer suggested that parents want to be friends to their children, when they should in fact concentrate on being a parent first. I've been quoting that article often ever since.
The parent-child relationship has changed noticeably, with parents keen not to be the dominant disciplinarian and instead keen to be their kids' pals. But in treating them as pals, parents tend to offload their problems, fears and concerns onto their children, too.
When I was a child, I knew little of my parents' concerns about work, politics and family feuds. And as a young child, I certainly did not know about their problems with each other. I was expected to go to school, do my homework, do my chores, play, take care of my little sister - in fact, just be a child. Adult concerns were no concern of mine, and nor did my parents want them to be.
Children are being bombarded with stresses that I nor most of my peers would never have been subjected to. A friend noted at a dinner party recently that today's kids are stressed: they have more material belongings, wear designer clothes, enjoy almost unfettered access to modern music and pop culture, and yet they are stressed. Well, with the weight of their mum or dad's friendship upon their shoulders, and the unburdening of that parent's soul onto the child, is it any wonder that kids have lost their innocence sooner?
If a parent needs to vent about their feelings regarding the other parent, they should do so to that other parent, and not to their kids. If anything, it is most unfair on the kids to hear one parent sounding off about the other parent's perceived faults. Indeed, could it be the parent who is sounding off that is overreacting, and that the parent the subject of the rant is in fact an innocent party? A child is hardly in a position to make the distinction. Indeed, a child should never have to be faced with such behaviour. Moreover, isn't possible that a child will learn that this is how to address problems with others - by sounding off to other people, perhaps to their own future kids, instead of addressing the issue with the person they regard as at fault?
Parents should remember to keep to the roles they have created for themselves: as mothers and fathers. Children should be allowed to be kids, and to behave accordingly, to learn their own way through solid, positive and constructive guidance from both the parents and other role models around them. Mum sounding off about Dad, or vice versa, to the kids is hardly conducive to that kind of positive upbringing.
Learn more about this author, David Chaproniere.
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Yes
This is a breaking news bulletin! This just in: Parents are human beings too!
Okay, a bit dramatic, but sometimes I have to wonder if people forget this delightful little fact. Parents are indeed human beings which means they disagree, they get angry, and sometimes they need someone to vent to. As long as the venting is respectful,and rational and there is no name-calling then why shouldn't they vent about one another to their kids?
As someone who has had each of her parents vent to her about the other I would have to say there is no harm in it. As a matter of fact there may be a lot of good to it! When my parents vent about one another they talk about WHY they are angry and how certain actions of the other makes them FEEL. This knowledge alone about how my parents feel about the way things were said makes them all the more human to me, and makes it easier to relate to them. Sometimes I think we see our parents as these caregivers who understand what vegetables we should eat or what power tools we should NOT play with, but some how they seem as if they could not possibly understand how we think or feel. But when they vent, they are just as vulnerable and fallible as the rest of us and we can start to understand them better. I see my parents in a new light every time they vent to me, and I feel it really adds to our relationship. Not to mention how honored I feel that my parents respect my opinions and thoughts enough to discuss their problems with me. With siblings and friends it is expected that they will vent their problems to you, that's a crucial part of those relationships, but I never expected to hear my parents share their problems, those sort of things are usually kept very quiet and never discussed with the kids. I honestly feel that it is because my parents will share their feelings with me that I have such a good relationship with them. Another plus side to this is learning about how to deal with other people, because I can learn how my parents handle situations that I may one day be faced with, and knowing how they handled it will help me in deciding how I want to handle these situations. I have gained a great deal from listening to my parents vent and I think that kind of vulnerability and honesty is something that everyone can appreciate.
Learn more about this author, Trisha Vaughn.
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